#Motherhood #Realtalk

BEING A MOM MEANS YOU HAVE TO BE EVERYTHING. AND BOY, THIS JOB IS TOUGH!

It’s true, you can never ever prepare enough on how to become a mother and I am not going to lie, there are times in my life right now that I just wanted to leave and escape. There are times that I just wanted to shut the door and have my own quiet, peaceful time. There are times that I just wanted to have my old life back, be socially engaged, go anywhere, escape anytime, and just be free. But every time I feel those emotions, there’s always, ALWAYS, someone and something that pulls me back and gives me courage and more than enough reason to stay and be stronger.

I don’t know what I did right for God to bless me with such a beautiful angel. Before Gab, I thought I already know what life is. I thought I already know how to love. I thought I am already strong. It is just amazing how a tiny person that you just met can change your whole life. Gab taught me a lot of things in life I thought I already knew. I started to understand more what patience, contentment and acceptance are all about. I have mastered the concept of ‘others first’. I am slowly mastering what “work-life-balance” should be. I became a bigger person, but admits that I am still a work in progress.

I am far from being a perfect mother but there must be something that I am doing right to my son for him to constantly express that he needs and wants me. And even though there are always someone available for him, he still looks for me, only mommy. It feels really good (and tiring too) to be the EVERYTHING for someone. For my son, I know, for now, mommy is his EVERYTHING.

When he sense fear, he looks for mommy. When he’s in a crowd full of strangers, he only wants to be held by mommy. If something hurts, mommy can only calm him and gives him assurance that everything will be fine. When he’s happy, he looks at mommy with a wide smile and twinkling eyes. When he feels proud of his milestone, even if mommy’s far, he looks at mommy and smile, as if saying, “Mommy, look! Are you proud of me?” When he’s hungry and is satisfied during or after a breastfeeding session, he will always reach out to my face, hold my cheeks or nose, stops sucking for a second and give the most satisfying smirk as if saying “Thank you”. (Ahh. I am crying a bucket!). 

I love how he sees me as his everything despite my messy hair, stinking and undone clothes, no ligo and disordered self. I love my son more than I imagine I can love someone and I love being a mother to him. 

My life is a mess right now. I am still figuring out a lot of things and we’re still struggling with our setup. But with our son, life is more wonderful. It is more colorful. It is more meaningful. Being a mom, for lack of a more concise word, is tough. But it is utterly and undeniably satisfying! 

Happy Mother’s Day!